Why Me?

Tonight I feel blessed beyond measure. Tonight at AWANA, I was showered with gifts, cards and goodies.  I’m always slightly embarrassed when people bring me gifts and I never know what to say.  I know that’s hard to imagine – me NOT knowing what to say – or at least pretending to!  I’m always thankful, but sometimes “Thank You” just doesn’t seem like enough. 

I’m never really sure why people choose me to bring gifts.  Why me?? I certainly don’t deserve them!  Why do people who have a whole bunch of other people to purchase gifts  for add me to their list??  I’m flattered and I always feel unworthy! Tonight one of my AWANA ladies brought me some home-made Oreo truffles. Several years ago, she made some for girl’s tea we had and I was just blown away at how good they were. She remembered that – and brought me some!  They are fabulous!! I have eaten WAY too many sweets today, but I HAD to eat one of those – and almost cried. That’s how good they are.  I was tying on a Grinch mask at the time when told me the package was for me.  I thanked her, but I know it seemed like I wasn’t paying attention. I was! My AWANA leaders gave me a  lovely sweet card – again, I felt stupid and couldn’t find the words I wanted.  All night, I just kept feeling like I wanted to cry. Partly because  I’m so thankful that people care,  and partly because  I can’t say what I want to say. So let me try this – Thank you to all of you who  make me feel special and important – and that the things I do matter. You have NO idea how much that means. I wish I could tell you how it makes me feel to know that you invested something of yourself in me.  Thank you all for caring about me!  

I <3 Music

I have NO musical talent.  My dad is very musical – he played in the FFA band for years. My oldest sister is the very best pianist I know – and I’m not just saying that because she’s my sister! My other sister sing beautifully.  I got nothin!   My talent is to turn the pages of the sheet music. (Apparently I got it honestly, I think my mother was tone deaf!) 

But oh, how I love music. I sing (badly and loudly) quite often – when no one is around.  There is always a song in my head – and sometimes it bursts out!  I didn’t realize how much I sing until I got this LightSpeed system in my classroom. It has these two little microphones you can wear around your neck and it connects to the speakers they put in my ceiling, so even when my A/C is on and I have a huge classroom, everyone can hear me.  (I’m not sure that was ever a problem before, but anyway!) Now, unfortunately, I realize I sing to myself out loud quite often – and my students suffer for it!

I have very eclectic musical taste. I mean how many people have Bon Jovi right  next to Barry Manilow – HUSH! Don’t laugh!!  I love him! He’s my dying wish. If I’m ever dying and I get a wish from the Make a Wish Foundation – I want him to sing “Sandi” instead of “Mandy” just once!!

Oh and the next shelf has soundtracks from movies and plays. I’ve got “Wicked” and “The Wedding Singer.”  The Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing Handel’s “Messiah” right next to Merry Christmas from the Beach Boys – and the Chipmunks!! Christopher Cross next to Chris Tomlin ( lots of him!! ) next to Jim Brickman next to Journey next to Kenny Chesney. 

I read this quote the other day “When words leave off, music begins” by Heinrich Heine.  I’d never heard of him, but he was exactly right.  There are things I can’t say  that I just don’t have the words for, but someone has already said it for me.

Last month at Women of Faith, Sandi Patti did her “Jesus Love Me” thing – she sang Jesus Loves Me as she sang it through her lifetime. My sisters and I heard her do that years ago, when we first EVER  heard her. It was our first “girls only” night and we were fascinated because she spelled her name just like we did! It’s pretty simple, but it’s exactly right. Through every circumstance in my life – that one thing is constant – Jesus loves me! When I’m happy, Jesus loves me. When I’m sad, Jesus loves me. When I’m confused, Jesus loves me. Isn’t it amazing – the first song I ever learned is a foundation stone for my life!! Is it any wonder I music??

Day 12–I’m thankful for. . .

My pastor! I’ve had several pastors throughout my life and quite often, it was my daddy! I’ve been blessed to have wonderful men of God who were truly dedicated to the Lord and His service.

My  church now is blessed with a wonderful pastor. I love that he loves us, in spite of us.  Lately, he’s been preaching to me pretty hard, at least I feel like it. But that means he’s preaching what I need to hear, right? Even if it’s painful?

I love, Love, LOVE that he reads often and frequently! Because I’m a reader, when he talks about this book and that book – he’s speaking my language.  I believe that we all should be life-long learners and he is!

I’m thankful for a pastor that loves his family – and is not embarrassed or ashamed to say it! I love that he holds hands with Mrs. Debbie and that he has a verse for each of his grandchildren. 

I love that he makes mention of his salvation story frequently. That tells me that it is STILL important to him. His life became  very different on that November day and  I like it when he tells it again.

I am thankful for his availability. When I had my gallbladder out, he and Mrs. Debbie came to see me before. When my sister had surgery and was without a pastor, he came and prayed with my sister – who he doesn’t even know!  And on Monday, which is his day off!!

My church is blessed and I am blessed. We had a guest preacher last week who reminded us that we need to pray for our pastor all the time. It really convicted me – and I’m making it my goal to pray for my pastor EVERY SINGLE day. If you see me, ask me if I’ve prayed for my pastor yet today. I’m ashamed of myself that I hadn’t been. I do on Sundays and on Saturday nights and when I know he’s stressed, but EVERY day is my goal. 

Thankful for. . . (Day 3)

I’m thankful today and everyday for parents who not only were readers themselves, but encouraged us to become readers.

(This was supposed to be  just a Facebook status update, but it needs more.)

C.S. Lewis – who  happens to be the author of my most favorite books EVER said ““You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.” I may trade that cup of tea for a glass of tea, but it still rings true.  I was blessed to grow up in a home of readers. We always had books in our house and our parents could always find money for books. I remember visiting the Goodwill store called the “Re-reader” for books when I was little.  We could pick up books for a nickel, dime or quarter. (In hindsight,  that early experience makes it VERY hard for me to pay full price for hardback books now!)  They also taught us the value of the public library. We moved from Lakeland right after my 7th birthday and I had already learned to LOVE the library. Anybody else remember those funky colored wire mesh looking chairs in the children’s section of the Lakeland Library??

Our school was poor – we were poor, although we didn’t realize it and once a year we got RIF books.  The RIF (Reading is Fundamental) people came into our school library with boxes and boxes of books and we got to pick one  - a brand new book and take it home. It was ours to keep, for FREE!! We loved RIF books. 

My parents  always seemed to find money for book orders. You know, those little paper flyers kids bring home, every month? We couldn’t always buy every book we wanted, but we always got something, if we really wanted it.  Maybe that’s why I still send home those Scholastic book order forms, even if only one kid orders a book.

I have a poster in my room that says “Those who DO NOT read are no better off than those who CAN NOT read.”  I’m so, so thankful that my parents encouraged us to read. I can’t imagine my life without books. Books have taken me all over the world, allowed me to have grand adventures, and taken me beyond my circumstances. Books have taken me to every continent and nearly every country in the world.  I’ve traveled on planes, trains and automobiles, as well as hot air balloons, space shuttles and rocket ships. I’ve even visited other planets. I’ve eaten fabulous meals, and been starving.  I’ve lived in beautiful homes and in poor, desperate hovels.  I’ve been in love a million time and had my heart broken just as often. I’ve been in the tundra, in the desert, and just as quickly, in a rain forest.  I’ve been on the  the peak of Mt. Everest and explored  the barrenness of Antarctica – all while never leaving my home. 

Thomas Jefferson once said  “I cannot live without books.” It’s true about me – I absolutely cannot!!

The business cards I had made had this quote from Louisa May Alcott:  “She is too fond of books, and it has turned her brain.” 

Thank you, Mom and Daddy, for letting me become a reader!!

 

Hey, even my cat reads:

 

Sick

“Sick and tired.”

“Worried sick.”

“That makes me sick.”

“Sick at heart.”

We use the word “sick” to mean lots of things.  At work, we have sick days, but we also have personal leave chargeable to sick leave.  When we sign into our program that records our absences, it’s actually called “personal illness.”  I’m using a sick day but there’s no personal illness. I don’t have a cold. I do have  a sore throat.  I don’t have the flu, but I do feel achy all over.    I also  have a hurting arm/shoulder/neck thing that required a muscle relaxer and a pain pill – which doesn’t lead to a clear head. (And I’ve had 3 weeks without good sleep, which is not conducive to being a good teacher.)  And I’m sick and tired. And I’m worried sick. And I’m sick at heart. And there are things that make me sick.  

A wise man once said “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.”  I’m wondering if my mental state is affecting my physical state.  We all know that the mind is a powerful thing, right?? Is my physical distress a  result of my mental distress?

I have a friend who is going through a difficult time – but she’d going through with grace and dignity. I have another friend who is taking care of a sick mother –it’s been a rough year and a half for her. She can’t even spell dignity, but she’s managing.  I know all these people who have much bigger issues than I do, but I’m feeling overwhelmed and wimpy and frustrated and nervous and powerless.  All together, it makes me feel sick!

But, in the same place I found that hope deferred makes the heart sick. I read this “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance.”  And this: “All the days of the afflicted are evil, But he who is of a merry heart has a continual feast.” And best of all, this: A merry heart does good, like medicine.”

So right now, I’ll fall asleep, because of that pain pill. But later, I’ll put my arm in my stupid little sling, and head off to hang out with, bond with and worship with ladies from my church, (and several 1000 of our closest friends!) and trust that the medicine from the Great Physician can fix my “sick.”

Caution–this post may contain descriptions of disturbing images!!! Read at your own risk!!

I have turned into a “house-dress” wearer. Is admitting you have a problem the first step to getting over a problem?? Oh wait, I don’t want to get over it.

I remember my daddy’s momma (we called her Grannie-Ma) wearing “housedresses.” They weren’t quite muumuus, but not something you’d wear OUT. They were sort of ugly and unfashionable and I used to think I’ll never wear those.  (She also ate those orange marshmallow circus peanuts. Gross!!)  I googled “house dress” images and got 961,000,000 results. Trust me, my Granniema’s didn’t look like any of these!!

                   

Ooops.

 

I have two. They are both from the same pattern, but one is a salmon color and one is a faded, blueish/purplish. The blue one also has a bleach spot on it.  I put one on every Saturday, unless I have to go somewhere. I think they may have been originally purchased by someone (NOT ME!) as a swimsuit cover up. They are too big, they’ve been washed 1000 times and I love them. 

Why a house dress?? Well, it’s kind of hard to explain. I need to wear something while I do laundry and clean. When I do laundry, I have to go outside and downstairs. I can’t  do that in my pajamas.  So I’ve gotta wear SOMETHING.  And I can’t wear any good stuff, I may need to wash it.

I don’t wear them out anywhere, except maybe the drive thru at Sonic or Hardees! Even then, I try to hide. This is not a good look for me! Unfortunately, I think it’s sort of necessary. I wonder what I’ll do next that I swore I’d never do.  Uh-oh, if anyone sees me eating circus peanuts, just hit me in the head!!

Overwhelming, overflowing Thankfulness

Even though it’s not yet time for Thanksgiving, today I am overwhelmed by thankfulness.  I try to be thankful a lot, and not just in the month of November, but today, it’s not trouble at all!!As I sit here eating my slightly stale bowl of honey nut toasty O’s, I’m just full and running over!   I love, love, love how God gives us what we need!!

Tonight was our first night of AWANA. I love AWANA, I’ve been an AWANA leader for YEARS. I’m not officially in charge of AWANA at our church, everybody just assumes I am. I guess that means I really am, but sometimes I wish I wasn’t!  I have been teaching the Bible lesson for our TNT clubbers and doing Game Time for Sparks and for TNT. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed. All summer, I’ve been praying for a Game Director. I even found someone who I thought would be perfect. So I started praying specifically that God would make him want to be my Game Guy! I did give him fair warning, that I was praying that.

We also have been wanting a man for our TNT boys.  I really feel like it’s so important for little boys to have a good male role model at church for them to look up to. We had a guy, but his job has made it really difficult for him to be there. So I’ve been praying for a man. 

Tonight, God answered my prayers and gave us just what we needed.  I’m so, so thankful for our two new Jasons!! We have a Jason for our boys and a Jason for Game Time!! Isn’t that awesome??

I’m also constantly amazed and thankful for the other leaders we have. We have two secretaries who check our kids in every week, greet them and keep up with records for us. They do an amazing job!! Our little kids LOVE them and know exactly who to go see and what to do. They’ve trained our kids to check in. I decided (since I’m sort of in charge) we should have a snack tonight.I sent a few text messages and ended up with enough brownies for all our clubbers to have two and some of us got extras to bring home! Not only that, one more email got me tubs of Kool-Aid mix, our ladies mixed it up, poured, and served. All I did was drop off a pan of brownies and pick up a clean pan afterwards!! Well, after I ate a few!!

I really do love AWANA, but some days, I feel tired and grouchy and would rather stay home.  I don’t – I always go and I’m always glad I do.  Our kids always make me feel better and the people who come and work with those kids week after week constantly amazed.  I am truly grateful and my church is blessed and lucky to have such wonderful leaders in it!!!