I woke up today with very mixed feelings. I am very glad the work from my Master's degree is DONE! I'm excited that I won't have to spend hours and hours working online anymore. I loved graduation yesterday and felt all "verklempt" for a lot of the day. I was glad that my family got to be there, and that they seem to have had a good time. I was a little worried about them being bored. We had a lot of fun together, which we haven't had time for in quite a while. It was lovely to see all my friends and spend time with them. We ate some really good food and had a really good time, but part is me is still a little sad.
I'm sad because I know that I will not have time with some of my new friends like we've had for the last 2 ½ years ever again. I'm especially afraid that I'll lose contact with some people. I don't want to, but I'm just afraid that life will get in the way. It's going to take lots of effort to keep in touch.
I'm also a LOT sad that after all of our training and all the things we've learned; out of the 30 Project LEADers, only five (I think) have media specialist jobs. I know that I had classes with fabulous media specialists to be. I think there are many good things waiting to come from us. I'm afraid I'm going to forget all the things I've learned. If I think about the fact that I'm not starting the year as a media specialist too much I get really angry, so it's best not to dwell on it. I have loved my job, although I didn't enjoy last year at all, but I was just really ready for something different. I know that things will all work out for the best, but I really wanted a job.
I'm also afraid and a little apprehensive. Our professors, Dr. D and Dr. E are both so accomplished and are expecting great things from us. What if I can't do anything impressive? Maybe they made a mistake when they chose me and I don't have it in me to be a leader and never get a job as a media specialist? What if I do get a job and end up being a stinky media specialist? What if, what if, what if???
Wow Sandi, you really said it all. I feel almost the exact same way! Especially about whether or not I'll be able to deliver on what Dr. D & E expect. Obviously, there's nothing we can do about the job market. I suppose we've got to get creative and try to find ways to use what we've learned this year. I'm trying very hard to focus on the positive... the upcoming year will be a breeze after the last 2 1/2. No more classes, no papers, no projects. I'll be able to focus on my actual job and get back to being the kind of teacher I was before all this started! As much as I hate to admit it, I was slacking in that department because I was seriously overwhelmed. No more... this year is going to be great. I gotta keep thinking that and not dwell on the negative. Good luck... and don't worry... everybody else will make the effort to keep in touch with you. You're a great friend and nobody will want to let that go. :)
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