The stupidest thing I’ve done (today!)

I hurt myself quite often. It’s never on purpose, but I hurt myself frequently. When I was about six, I decided to shave my legs. I grabbed a razor and dragged it up my leg, leaving a scar that I still have today. One year at my school’s Christmas play, I had this massive scab on the front of my shin. Imagine a pretty red dress for Christmas, nice little white lacy socks, with this ginormous red, bloody scab in between. I was trying to walk on some concrete pavers and fell off. My mother used to tell me “It’s just a clumsy stage; you’ll grow out of it.” The year I turned 27, she quit telling me that.
So yesterday, my nephew Josh had a job interview and, being the great aunt that I try to be, I was ironing his shirt for him. I picked up the can of spray starch by the lid. You can probably figure out what happened next. Gravity is still in effect, so the heavy can of spray starch fell out of the lid and landed right on top of my left foot, where my toes attach to rest of my foot. I hopped around moaning for a while and then ironed the shirt and went on to church. Things like this happen to me all the time, so it’s really no big deal.
This is where the stupidity comes in. Tonight I’m in the shower. ****** Caution – this next sentence may be TMI, so you may want to skip it. I have this pair of shoes that are really, really, comfortable, but they make my feet . . . how can I say this delicately . . . a tad odoriferous. Whenever I wear them, I can’t take them off until I’m ready to take a shower. ******************** Okay, you can read again now. I’m in the shower, scrubbing my feet. I notice this dirty spot on top of my foot and I’m scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing. Then, I realize it hurts and the dirt is NOT going away. Then, it hits me! DUH!!! It’s a bruise! I’m trying to scrub off a bruise!! What kind of dummy am I??? I start laughing; water goes up my nose. . . Good times, good times!!!