What is the Florida School Book Depository? Who really knows? Here is what I do know. . .
All textbooks in the state of Florida apparently come from the FSBD. I have no idea how the books get there, or how big it is or how many people work there. I really don’t know much, but I have very strong feelings about that place.
Here is what I think happens there. They (whoever “they” are) receive an order from the Polk County School Board. Apparently, it’s split up by school, with all sorts of rules – you can’t deliver on Fridays, this is how many, blah, blah, blah. So, somehow there’s an order placed and “they” get ready to fill it. When I say “filling the order” here’s what I mean. Someone (or maybe it’s robots, I have no idea) picks the books for my school off a shelf. Then, they pack them on a pallet. But, before the pallet is packed, all of the boxes are thrown into a big, huge pile somewhere on or near a giant pile of dirt. They roll the boxes around in the dirt for a while, and then they put them on a pallet. But, when they pack it, they put all the pallets they are going to pack the order on to, and put one of each kind of box on each pallet because, God forbid, we end up with two boxes of the same kind of material anywhere NEAR each other.
Now, the packing must be some kind of big Jenga game. Instead of little blocks of wood, they use boxes of textbooks. I think there must be several rules to this game: first, no two boxes of the same thing can be next to each other. Next rule, they have to stop occasionally and throw even more dirt onto the boxes. Last rule, they get bonus points for having all the labels on the inside of the pallet, so that no one can tell what’s actually in the boxes without unpacking the entire pallet.
Finally, when all of the pallets are packed, making sure to follow all the rules, they wrap the pallets in GIANT Saran wrap. This must be super, duper Saran wrap, or maybe it’s the industrial strength Press and Seal.
Last, but not least, just for fun, they pack “Mixed Title” boxes. These involve throwing a few lonely items from each kind of book into a box. And again, if there are 4 Mixed Title boxes and there are 8 copies of a book, they put two in each box, instead of all 8 in one box. Again, even Mixed Title boxes must be covered in the obligatory layer of dirt. And these must always be placed on the very inside, very bottom layer of a pallet, so that just when someone thinks they are done with one book, SURPRISE – there’s ONE more in a Mixed Title box, buried under 22 workbooks of an entirely different grade and maybe even a different subject.
I really don’t know what goes on at the Florida School Book Depository. I do know that I was so dirty the other day after digging around in some of my 12 pallets of Reading materials that I blew dirt out of my nose later in the day. When I washed my hands, I made mud. One of the men who is building our school walked past me and he was cleaner than I was. (And that is not an exaggeration.)
I’m sure the people who work at the FSBD are very nice. I’m sure they are loved by their mamas, daddies, spouses and children. However, they are NOT on my Christmas card list. In fact, every time I think about it, I hear this song in my head:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZQVSxXTCjg
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