Mixed Feelings

I woke up today with very mixed feelings. I am very glad the work from my Master's degree is DONE! I'm excited that I won't have to spend hours and hours working online anymore. I loved graduation yesterday and felt all "verklempt" for a lot of the day. I was glad that my family got to be there, and that they seem to have had a good time. I was a little worried about them being bored. We had a lot of fun together, which we haven't had time for in quite a while. It was lovely to see all my friends and spend time with them. We ate some really good food and had a really good time, but part is me is still a little sad.

I'm sad because I know that I will not have time with some of my new friends like we've had for the last 2 ½ years ever again. I'm especially afraid that I'll lose contact with some people. I don't want to, but I'm just afraid that life will get in the way. It's going to take lots of effort to keep in touch.

I'm also a LOT sad that after all of our training and all the things we've learned; out of the 30 Project LEADers, only five (I think) have media specialist jobs. I know that I had classes with fabulous media specialists to be. I think there are many good things waiting to come from us. I'm afraid I'm going to forget all the things I've learned. If I think about the fact that I'm not starting the year as a media specialist too much I get really angry, so it's best not to dwell on it. I have loved my job, although I didn't enjoy last year at all, but I was just really ready for something different. I know that things will all work out for the best, but I really wanted a job.

I'm also afraid and a little apprehensive. Our professors, Dr. D and Dr. E are both so accomplished and are expecting great things from us. What if I can't do anything impressive? Maybe they made a mistake when they chose me and I don't have it in me to be a leader and never get a job as a media specialist? What if I do get a job and end up being a stinky media specialist? What if, what if, what if???

 

 

Go NOLES! (Yes, I am a Seminole!)

As of today, I am officially an alumna (which Wikipedia defines as an "a female graduate or former student of a school, college, or university") of Florida State University. Many moons ago, I graduated from University of South Florida, but to be perfectly honest, I don't remember much of the ceremony. I do remember that the guy who sang the National Anthem started out WAY too high, and had to drop down an octave when he got to the "rocket's red glare" part. That's about all I remember. My tassel was light blue . . . and I think I still have my cap and gown in my mom's cedar chest, which now belongs to my oldest sister. We got four tickets – so Mom, Dad, Patti and Robyn were there. Josh, my nephew was there too because he was only an infant, and didn't take up a seat. But today's was much different. I can't really explain why, so let me just ramble on a bit.

I missed my mom. I kept thinking she would have been proud of me. I know my dad was, but I really missed my mom. My sisters were both there, and my niece. I got a really nice surprise Friday night because my friends the Smiths drove up for the ceremony. They drove for 5 hours up and five hours back for a 2 ½-hour ceremony. Mrs. Smith and I worked together for 14 years – and she was the first person who actually knew that I was selected as a Project LEAD fellow. I actually used her cell phone to call my sisters, and I went running down the hallway screaming, to tell her. The next night, she and her husband, Mr. Al, took me to dinner, and Mr. Al brought me a present – a Department 56 library, and my first piece of FSU paraphernalia. He graduated from the FSU College of Law a long time ago, and their son Ross, has two degrees from FSU, so he was QUITE excited about me becoming a Seminole. He warned me that being a Seminole is something you never get over! You know how there are some people who are not related by blood, but are family? That's exactly what Mrs. Smith and Mr. Al are to me: family by choice!

I think that this degree means more than my BS. First, I had to work a LOT harder for this one. I had NO idea when I first heard Dr D and Dr E tell us about Project LEAD, how hard it would be. The good has far outweighed the bad, but this may be the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life.

One of the best things about today's ceremony was getting to share it with some people who have come to mean a lot to me. If you had told me in December 2006 that I would be so close with some people who I didn't even know, I would have laughed so hard, I probably would have wet myself. But that is exactly what has happened. I have made some really good friends that I can imagine being friends with forever. I have always wondered about some friends of the Smith's - they have friends they went to school with at FSU who they still see every year, talk to regularly. . I just couldn't imagine. But I can now. I cannot imagine never speaking to or seeing Robyn, Connie, Wendy or Stacy again. I can't imagine not talking to (or at least chatting online with) Andrea or Katherine. I can't imagine not checking on Vicki or Bobby facebook page. There are many people I will have to stay in contact with.

My niece has decided she wants to be a Seminole. Today, during the ceremony, the President of FSU was talking about connections, how so many Seminoles are connected to other Seminoles. I wonder if we're starting our own family tradition. My sister wants to explore the music therapy program at FSU, maybe she can be converted as well.

So tonight as I go to bed, I'm different. I am connected to something much larger and much older than I am. At my church, I am very much outnumbered and surrounded by those dreaded Gator fans. I have never gotten involved in the whole FSU-UF feud thing, I just couldn't see it. Surprisingly, even to me, I find that changing. My Bachelor's degree is from USF, and I'm very proud of that degree, but I have this much bigger feeling inside of me now. I don't know where these feelings came from – but I have them. I was thinking about my friend Dusty, who graduated from UF, and I understand now more why he has a Gator tag on his car and Gator "stuff" in his house. I get it. FSU has been very good to me and so, with pride I say "GO NOLES!"

A Saturday in Pensacola, and the things I learned.

Katherine and I spend Saturday in Pensacola, just messing around. We started at the Naval Aviation Museum, then took a specially guided tour of Fort Barrancas, then explored downtown Pensacola, followed by dinner at McGuires. Then, we drove down to the beach and looked around. During the whole day, I discovered some interesting things. I'll put them in a list.

1. I could spend DAYS poking around at the Naval Aviation Museum.

2. IMAX movies are awesome. We watched an IMAX movie about helicopters, which was seriously cool.

3. I'm not made to be an astronaut. Katherine took my picture as an astronaut and it's not attractive.

4. I ask way too many questions. We went to Fort Barrancas just in time for the guided tour. We were the only people on the tour and the guide was Katherine's fiancé, Scott. We got a personalized tour and I got to ask all the questions I wanted, which is a huge deal for me, because I want to know EVERYTHING.

5. There are neat painted pelicans all over Pensacola. In Lakeland, near where I live, there are painted swans all over town. When I was in North Carolina earlier in the month, I saw painted bears in Cherokee. In Pensacola, it is pelicans. Here's the weird thing – we saw an Army pelican, a Marine pelican, and a Coast Guard Pelican – but we never found a Navy pelican – in a Navy town.

6. McGuires is a fabulous place for eat, although the dollars hanging from the ceiling kind of creep me out. We had boxtys as an appetizer – mashed potatoes rolled in breadcrumbs and deep-fried – they are to die for! We had Senate bean soup, which is just 18 cents a bowl, unless that's all you get, and then it's $18.00 a bowl. I had pork chops that nearly melted in my mouth!

7. Pensacola Beach is gorgeous, and has some really odd houses. We saw a wedding on the beach, and then we just looked at houses. There are some weird ones.

So I learned these neat things about Pensacola. There are pictures. . .

A Trip to Milton

On Thursday, I left home at 8:02, according to my car clock, on my way to Milton. Milton, Florida – why on Earth would I drive to Milton??? I came to visit my friend Katherine, who is part of my Master's program, but was also my flat mate in London last summer for six weeks. It's amazing how you can spend six weeks with someone and still not know some things about them.

The trip to Milton was uneventful. My friends Amy and Will graciously let me borrow their GPS to help me find my way. The poor woman was quite confused as I refused to follow her instructions for part of the trip. I took 33 out of my county, to the turnpike to 75 and then I-10. She wanted me to take smaller roads and kept trying to make me exit. It rained on me a little; one time so hard I could barely see and was creeping along at about 35 miles per hour. . .

Several rest stops and about 7 ½ hours later, I arrived. It was so good to see Katherine. We have taken classes together for 2 ½ years, spent 6 weeks together including weekends in Scotland and Paris, but we still don't SEE each other often. She looks really happy. During the summer last year, she was going through some personal struggles, but she seems at peace now. It was interesting to meet her children, and her friend/fiancé Scott, after hearing so much about them. So nice to put faces and personalities to names.

It was especially exciting that for dinner on Thursday night, we drove to Foley, Alabama to Lambert's Café. I have friends who just traveled to Missouri and ate at Lambert's and came back just full of stories. Nothing I heard turned about to be untrue. We had to wait, but amused ourselves by trying to figure out just how many license plates we could find from different states. The, we got to sit down and here came the pass-arounds. Pass-arounds are big bowls and pots of things that the staff just brings around and gives you. We had fried okra while we were waiting for our drinks. Then came the rolls. Lambert's calls itself the home of "Throwed Rolls." Actually, their website is http://www.throwedrolls.com/. They literally come out with pans of hot rolls and throw them across the room, and you've got to catch them. Luckily for us, Scott and Chad were our designated roll catchers.

We ate so much I thought I would burst. I had meatloaf, green beans, and fried apples. Other items on our table were chicken and dumplings, country ham that was served in a skillet, and fried chicken. It was like dinner on the ground. Then the pass-arounds. . . the fried potatoes and onions were to die for, and then there were still more rolls. They also offered macaroni and tomatoes, black-eyed peas and more fried okra. . and more rolls. We left stuffed to bursting.

On Friday, we visited Katherine's school. She had a bookshelf to deliver and I am always curious about other people's schools. It is a HUGE school, geographically, and takes up lots of space. It just seems to go on forever. We poked around in an antique/collectible store called the "Copper Possum" where I snagged two Bobbsey Twin books. They had LOTS of stuff I liked and would LOVE to have gotten my hands on – an old church pew, a Hoosier cabinet, some Longaberger baskets. But I restrained myself. Laquita would be proud of me. I spend the rest of the day playing on the Xbox with Zach, although I'm not very good at all!!!

It was a great day. Today, we are off to explore. My daddy will be proud of me; we're going to the Naval Museum and Fort Barrancas, and just "frogging" around. I'll let you know what we see.

Can’t sleep

Well, it's almost 2:00 in the morning, and I can't sleep. I'm tired, but I can't sleep. I've turned my light off and back on three times, same thing with my computer. I hate it. I guess I'll have to get myself some Tylenol PM. I didn't even take a nap today. I'm reading a book I got from the "Friends of the Library" Wednesday at the Lakeland Library. Great deal on two hardback books – one by Amanda Quick and one by Jayne Ann Krentz, who are actually both the same person. I also just watched "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" or something like that, it's like the car accident on the side of the road, you really don't want to look, but you kind of can't help it.

I don't really know why I can't sleep. I do have something weighing heavily on my mind but there's nothing I can do about it. The short version of the LONG story is, I found a media specialist job that I thought would be perfect, but a displaced teacher was put in the job instead. It makes me frustrated and angry. I can't do anything about it, so dwelling on it is useless but I keep trying to find some way around it. Ever since I found out, I've been in a foul mood and even Publix cake didn't make it all better. It just irritates me beyond belief that my buddies and I have spent 2 ½ years working our butts off in this program, learning to be leaders and media specialists, and there's no opportunity to do anything with what we've learned.

So what does one do when one can't sleep at night? Well, I'm glad we aren't in school, because I would be even more stressed if I knew I had to teach tomorrow. I read for a while, watch TV for a while (BTW, there's not much good stuff on at 2:00 in the morning) look online, and repeat any combination of the three. I check my grades, check facebook, check my mail. . . .My eyes are heavy, but my brain just won't shut off. So, I try to make myself go to sleep and I just am more stressed because I can't. I guess I could get dressed and go to Wal-Mart. I could just keep watching mindless TV and commercials that are even more mindless but I keep laughing at the stupid stuff for sale.

Maybe I can go to sleep now. I can only hope.

The End of an Era

Last Friday, we had a retirement party at my school. Coach Stacy retired. He has worked as a PE Coach at my school for 30 + years. I believe he came to Westwood in 1976. I can only imagine the changes he has seen in education over those years. I count it an extreme pleasure to have gotten to share my professional life with him, because he's been a part of my personal life forever. Coach Stacy sang at my parent's wedding, my oldest sister was the flower girl in his wedding, I went to school with his daughter and son, his wife taught us piano lessons (well, attempted to teach me!) and Coach sang at my mother's funeral. He has been a family friend forever I guess.

Here is the really amazing thing about Coach Stacy – after 35 years in education, there is nothing bad anyone could say about him. This is a man who did his job, without fussing or complaining for 35 years. Even when things were thrown at him, which probably seemed ridiculous, like a word wall in PE, he just did it. Having to have a Lesson Essential Question and Unit Essential Questions and vocabulary words for PE? Sounds crazy, right? But he did it. When we first began using computers for attendance and lesson plans, he struggled, but he kept on until he got it. At his retirement party, we discovered that he had several sources of "tech help" as he would say, "Do you have a minute? Can you show me something on this computer?" I thought it was just me but apparently not. No matter what new principals and new district mandates came through, he always just kept on doing his job. I have NEVER heard him fuss, or complain. I wish I could say the same about myself.

Coach Stacy very seldom had discipline problems – he just made kids do pushups. I've heard students say a lot of stuff about a lot of teachers, but I've never heard kids say mean things about Coach. They talked about how he made them work, but that was it. I think that's pretty impressive. Coach Stacy loves God, his family and teaching. I can't even imagine how many kids he's impacted over 35 years in education. I've had parent conferences with Coach, where the student's parents say, "Coach Stacy, you probably don't remember me, but. . ." I also can't imagine the impact he's had on the faculty and staff of our school over all those years.

When I get to the end of my career and look back, I just hope I've been half as successful as he has been. Our school has a hole that won't be filled in anytime soon. Someone else may take his position, but no one will ever take his place.

The London Eye

I had to teach a lesson about setting for my last class. I read part of a book called "The London Eye Mystery" by Siobhan Dowd as a hook for the lesson. My class (made up of my family members) had to find pictures from Flickr and make a movie using those pictures. Here is the Animoto movie they made.