A list of instructions

So yesterday I looked at my phone after school and had four (yes 4!) missed phone calls from Winter Haven Hospital!  That was  a little scary – and they were all just a few minutes apart. So I listened to my voice mail and realized that DUH, since I’m going “under the knife” (or laser or whatever) early Monday morning they had some Pre-Op instructions for me.  I answered all the questions

1. Have you been exposed to anyone with tuberculosis in the last 10 days?

2.  Do you smoke?

3. Have you ever had cancer?

Some of them made sense. Some, not so much – like this one – have you used any illegal drugs in the last 10 days? Seriously?  Who answers that “YES, actually, I have?”  Do you have any piercings we need to know about?   Just my ears, just my ears.

Then, the very nice lady proceeded to give me  a list of things to do and/or not do.  Now, please understand, this whole phone call only took about 15 minutes, so she was rattling off stuff like nobody's business.  Here is what I can remember.

No vitamins, minerals, herbal supplements from yesterday on.  (No fish oil!)

No aspirin.

Bring your medicines with you.

Pack an overnight bag, just in case.

You do have somebody to drive you home, right?

Nothing to eat after midnight, only enough water to wash down the blood pressure pill. 

NO Aspirin.

Leave all your valuables at home.

Bring your drivers license and insurance card.

You may bathe before either the night before or in the morning before you come.

Use antibacterial soap, like  Zest or Dial.

NO ASPIRIN!

Wear something loose and comfortable.

Be here at 7:00.  Yes, that’s AM, even though your procedure is at 9. 

NO ASPIRIN!!!!!!!