All because of a stylus. . .

This morning at church our sweet Madi said to me: “Look, I’m using a stylus just like you.” Most of the time I do use a stylus for my Kindle, because I have fat fingers and it’s easier to type with a stylus than with my fat fingers. It also keeps my screen clean to use a stylus than my fingers that I just ate a donut with or held my cup or any other such.

However, the more I thought about what she said, the more I was nervous.  I began to feel convicted and self-conscious.  I spend a LOT of time with other people’s children. What else have they done “just like me?”

Have they ever said something that was hurtful – because I did?

Have they ever hurt someone’s feelings – because I did?

Have they ever said a word that is ugly – because I did?  (I’m working on not saying “yeah” or “stupid”   or “hate” anymore.)

Some of my church babies have great parents who have my back and will fill in when I mess up – but some of them don’t.

I was reminded today what a huge responsibility I have been given – and what precious resources I’ve been entrusted with. Dear God, please help me show them less of me and more of YOU every day!

And all because of a stylus. . .

Tonight and two years ago. . .

I just (Okay a little while ago) got home from the Women of Faith Loved Tour. It was absolutely fabulous – great speakers, wonderful music and lots of fun with ladies from my church.  We had a great concert by Building 429, but when they started singing this song, I started what my friend Debbie calls “ugly crying.” 

(If you think about it, you probably get ugly crying.  That’s the kind that rips out of you, not just one little tear trickling down, but the full blown red-eye, snotty nose, achy throat, boo-hooing that you hate to do in front of people.) 

Two years ago today was one of the worst days of my life.  I had the best sleep that I’d had in a week, but throughout this night and into early tomorrow morning, my Daddy would slip away from us to Heaven.  It was an experience I’ll never forget and I wouldn’t have missed it, but it was also one that I never would have chosen if I’d been given a choice. I know that doesn’t make much sense, but I know what I mean. 

So today, on Saturday, I’m sitting in the Amway Center and they start singing this song. And it made me cry.  Why would this song make me cry? Here’s why:  Two years ago, in  the Spring, we found out my Daddy had liver disease and it couldn’t be fixed. We all need our liver and his was sick.  So nearly every Saturday for several months, my sister and I would drive over to Winter Springs to visit our Daddy, and give Mrs. Betty a break.  We went at different times, sometimes in my car, sometimes in hers, but almost every Saturday.  EVERY single time we got in the car to drive over, this song would play on the  Joy FM, before we got to Daddy’s house.  Every single Saturday, while we were in the car on the way to see Daddy we heard this song. EVERY. SINGLE. SATURDAY 

Part of the song says:

“ All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me.

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong,”

(You can hear it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=he32vwlKQPY

This is not how we heard it tonight.  Tonight 10,000 women were helping them sing!)

 

I don’t know why my Daddy got liver disease.  I don’t know why he couldn’t go to sleep and peacefully just drift off to Heaven. I don’t know why he had to have all those medical issues at the end.   There’s a lot I don’t know. 

But there’s some things I do know.   I  have this blessed assurance holding me.

All I know is he’s at home now. 

This wasn’t where he belonged any more. 

He left this world and he saw Jesus.

He is where he belongs.

So tonight, when the band sang this song, I ugly cried – but  I still sang at the top of my lungs.  And tomorrow, I’ll think about  my Daddy all day – and I may or may  not be done with the ugly crying!   But I know where he is and I know I’ll see him again.  And he won’t have liver disease and there will be no more ugly crying!

 

Hello! I’ve missed you and the strange things I find in my yard.

Hello my blog! I’ve missed you quite a lot. I haven’t “seen” you or shared with you in a while.  Let’s review:  I started this as part of a class I took in London in 2008. Really? It’s been that long? I can’t believe it!  I decided I liked it, so when I got home, I kept on using it. It’s like a diary, but I do censor myself a bit on here. Yes, there’s actually MORE in my head that I don’t say. Hard to believe I know. 

Let’s catch up. Since the last time I wrote a post, it was December and I was in the midst of my first book fair. In the six months since then, I’ve  survived that book fair, (and another one!) didn’t lose any money, did have some stuff disappear,  finished a whole year as a media specialist, MOVED to a new house, finished another AWANA  year, passed the anniversary of the death of both my parents, watched my niece perform beautifully in Seussical the Musical (yes, that made me happy!) cheered as my nephew got a summer internship with the Department of Transportation, and other stuff I can’t remember. Whew!! I’ve been a busy girl, which is probably why I haven’t been here much.

So even thought I haven’t been posting, I’m always, always thinking of things to post. Really! Wal-Mart is, of course, a constant source of inspiration, the things my students say at school and at my church babies. . . Of course, I could ramble for days about my nephews and my niece and how smart and handsome/beautiful and accomplished they all are. (I’d like to take a little credit for some of that!)  However, today, I’m on another tangent.  I mentioned in that incredibly run-on sentence above that since December, I’ve moved to a new house. I could write for days about my cute little yellow house with the red door and how wonderfully God worked it all out, but that’s another story for another day as well. 

Here’s what’s on my  mind right now. I just came in from working (sort of) in my yard. I have a little patio space with a swing and a fire pit and my hammock. I don’t really work in the yard, I just sort of mosey around. I have lots of big trees in the back yard and every time the tiniest breeze blows, limbs fall out of my trees. Most of the time, they are tiny, smaller than a pencil, but every now and then, there are bigger ones.  Yesterday there were like gale force winds whipping through – really, it woke me up from my happy nappy, so of course, it was a big limb day.  I try to spend a little while on Saturdays picking up the broken limbs. I’d really like to know WHY limbs fall all the time. They all look dead and when I look at the trees, I don’t see all those dead-looking limbs. So where do they all come from – I have no idea. Anyway, today while I was picking up the downed limbs I found some strange things in my yard. My cute little yellow house is next to a VERY busy road, so finding cups and trash is not strange – that’s pretty normal. But today, I discovered two very strange items. Ready?  I found a big pile of doggy doo.  Now, to some people that would be a pretty normal thing – but I don’t have a dog! And it was in my back yard – and I have fences on three sides. The only thing I can figure is someone let their dog come into my back yard and do it’s business. Really? Who does that?

Then, the other strange thing – in the far back part, almost by the fence, I found a dead mouse. It was freshly dead – not to be too graphic, but I could tell. It had one wound. It looked like one of those pet mice people have (although I’ve never understood why.)  Maybe the dog that poohed in my yard tried to eat the mouse. HMMM. .  .

It  sort of creeps me out.  I can’t decide what’s worse – the dog that apparently creeps around in my yard when I’m unaware, or the dead things. A few weeks ago, there was a dead bird in my driveway. I think it got hit by a car. What is it about my yard? What will I find next time?  I hope it’s no more dead things.

The Book Fair broke my heart today. . .

So I’m in the  midst of my first Book Fair. It’s completely NOT what I expected, but that’s a story for another day.  Today, something completely unexpected happened – and it made me sad. 

I have several students who come to the library ALL the time. They read voraciously.  They are on my list of Top 10 readers.  One came in after school to get a book and had to tell me that he can’t find a book. He’s beside himself, because he thinks he lost it.  It will probably turn up, so I’m not worried about that at all! 

I have some new books that I haven’t put out on the shelves yet.  I got him the first book in  a brand new series today and let him check it out first. His eyes were the size of saucers!!! He couldn’t stop smiling – it was an experience like I’ve  never had before.

As soon as he left, with the brand new book, something hit me like a ton of bricks.  For a child who comes to the library all the time, he didn’t even look at the Book Fair stuff.  In fact, he didn’t even look in that direction.  I realized that another one of my Top 10 readers has not come into the Book Fair.  Then it hit me. I’d swear to you a light bulb popped up over my head. Here’s what I realized – both of these young men are very poor. One was in my class before and I know that his family doesn’t have a lot. The other student? There are some clues that his family doesn’t have much.  One of them takes a  backpack of food home on the weekends.  Here’s the sad part – even though they love to read and there are LOTS of NEW books in the Book Fair, right there! they won’t explore.  They won’t even look, because  they know they can’t afford them.  It almost made me cry.

My family didn’t have a lot of  money when I was little. Daddy was in college, Mom didn’t work until I went to school and then she worked in a bra factory.  Daddy was the janitor at the Lakeland Ledger – we were pitifully poor.  BUT, our parents always found Book Fair or book order money.  I’m not sure how – and we didn’t always get EVERY book we wanted, but we got something for books. Our parents realized the importance of fostering our love of reading – and sacrificed to encourage that. There’s nothing like opening a brand new book that no one else has ever read by you.  No marks except what I made.  No spine cracks, no pages turned down. New car smell has nothing on new book smell.   Unfortunately, these students don’t have that – and that’s what made me sad. 

There are lots of points I could make – the importance of libraries for kids like this,  how poverty affects education, how parents need to be educated on how to help their children.  There all important and all good points.  But I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look on that young man’s face when I handed him that brand new book to borrow.  I just wish I could give  him some brand new books for his own.

I will give you rest. . .

In Matthew 11:28, Jesus said “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”  Rest is an important thing. Without rest, we make bad decisions, we are cranky and we mess up.  Have  you ever seen anything more cantankerous than a 2 year old who needs a nap? Or been in a checkout line with one behind you? Or on an airplane with one?   We’ve all been there. And how many of us have been so tired we wished we could just behave like that 2 year old and get away with it?  Yeah, me too!

Last year, this week was an exhausted blur.  From Monday afternoon until early Friday morning, we basically sat by our father’s bedside, waiting.  I hate waiting.  This was excruciating.  He was not aware of us,  but he needed us. We turned him, my sister gave him medicine,  we watched and listened to every sound he made.  We took turns trying to sleep, but basically we all catnapped off and on.  It was an awful, terrible time,  There were moments of sweetness, and I think that we forged some bonds that will be forever, but all in all, it may be the worst week ever of my life. 

Through it all, lots of people kept saying “whatever you need. . . “ They meant it, I know they did, but there was nothing we could do.  We didn’t know what we needed or necessarily how to ask for what we did need.  We took turns leaving for little bits of time- to the store, to get something to eat, to run errands. I think was mostly to get away.   But here’s the thing. My friend Melissa lives not too far from where my daddy and Mrs. Betty lived. She, like others said, “whatever you need.”  On Thursday of that week, Robyn and I were absolutely exhausted.  Robyn kept switching roles all week  from daughter to nurse. . . I was mad at the world, because that’s my first reaction to EVERYTHING. Neither of us had had decent sleep since Sunday night.  So we got in the car and went to Melissa’s house.    She opened the door, hugged me and said “Here’s my house. What do you need?”  I put a load of clothes in her washer, Robyn took a shower and we both took a nap.  Melissa gave us clean towels, clean clothes and REST.  She turned off the lights, closed the door and we slept.   I think we slept for about 2 1/2 hours.  That was the most un-interrupted sleep we’d had since Sunday. We couldn’t hear the sounds of the oxygen machine, we couldn’t hear those awful sounds that Daddy would make sometimes in the night, and we  both felt like for the first time in days that there wasn’t something else we should be doing.  I don’t think I’ve needed sleep so badly or enjoyed it so much.  After a while, we took our clean clothes and went back to Daddy’s house.  Little did we know that would be our last sleep until our Daddy was in heaven, and that the night ahead would be FAR worse than the ones we’d already come through. 

Without that rest at Melissa’s house, I don’t k now if I could have made it through the stuff that was coming later.  She may have saved me!  

Tonight, I’ll go to bed without my Daddy on earth for the 365th night. In some ways it seems like that nap at Melissa’s was just yesterday.  Sometimes I think that’s the last, best sleep I’ve had.  I know this: we’re supposed to be the hands and feet of Jesus on this Earth.  Melissa was for us that day – she gave us rest.

My first week as the. . .

So I am ready to begin week 2 as the ________________ at my school. This is a multiple choice question.  Here are your choices:

A. Media Specialist

B. Teacher-Librarian

C. Information Specialist

D. Textbook Manager

E. Li-berry Lady

I am all of those things. I’m also a equipment supplier, secretary to the network manager, and custodian.  

Last week was my first week during school as the library media specialist (which is what my school calls me.)  I did a LOT of stuff.

I visited all our portables and then delivered TV’s to the ones that didn’t  have one. I helped our network  manager give everyone their equipment. I barcoded and added to our library management system over 700 textbooks, and delivered some of those textbooks.  I vacuumed the floors, laminated miles of stuff,  and changed the laminating film (which always requires lots of prayers).  I processed some new books for our media center and those should be ready to go shortly.  I took a picture for a volunteer, took some stuff to the Black Hole, (the portable where we put stuff that needs to go away) and tried to find places for some stuff that just keeps appearing.  Here’s some things I have learned:

1.  Many people think of our media center as the dumping grounds.  Anything they don’t want or don’t know what to do with ends up in here – so I can figure out what to do with it. Some people don’t even label stuff, so that printer that just appeared with a sign “media center” I have no clue what that means.  Does it work? Does it not work? Does it need to go away? Who knows?? Those boxes of books that just appeared on the circulation desk? Where did those come from? And what am I supposed to do with them?

2.   There’s been no consistency in the way we catalogued things in our media center. Some things have bar codes, some just have SAP numbers.  Some books have bar codes on the left side, some on the right. Some at the top, some in the middle. . . I don’t know how to fix that, except just do it all the same way from now on.

3.  Right now, it’s a little lonely and I know this will change.  I’m used to having students all day –  and so far that’s not the case.  Again, I know it will change, but right now, I’m a little lonely. 

4.  Getting to read new books first is pretty cool. 

5. I get why they say that the library is the most expensive room in a school. . .

6. Some people want every piece of technology that a school has, even if they have no idea (or even the desire) to use it.  I actually had someone ask me for something and then later, ask me what it was.  For REAL!

7. I have figured out our magazine order and ordered our newspapers (both online and digital!) 

9. I have a quote for books from a book company. 

10.  I got to do this: 

He wanted a book desperately. Our Art teacher sent me an email asking when he could get a book. He came to the media center, I asked him what he was looking for and we found it. We realized later, it wasn’t quite what he wanted (this book was all about drawing manga GIRLS and he wants to learn how to draw manga EVERYTHING) so we had to switch it out.  I promised him when I took the picture that no one would see it except me, so I had to hide hide his face, sort of. . .

When a good idea goes bad. . .

Do you ever have a really, really good idea, until you try to implement it? Then you realize what a terrible idea it was? That happens to me all the time.  Today, I’m just kicking myself.

 

I love bulletin board border. I’m slightly obsessed with it. I was at a teacher store yesterday and my friend was laughing because I kept saying “I’ve got that one and that one and that one.”  Yes, I’m a border hoarder.  I have bought LOTS of border and I’ve inherited lots of border when my friends have retired. 

I try to take really good care of my border, because it’s a little pricey to just use and throw away. I carefully roll it up when I’m done and put it all in a big bin.  I actually found a clever way to store it on Pinterest and I’m going to try that soon. I have a HUGE plastic tub filled with roll after roll after roll of border. I’ve got frogs, planets, globes, books, gumballs, Care Bears, Egyptian pyramids, Australian aboriginal art, you name it, I’ve probably got it. 

Over the years I’ve had most of my borders laminated. It  makes them stronger and they tear a whole lot LESS when they’ve been laminated. I have border that I bought the first year I taught that I can still use, and it’s 20 years old.  I get it laminated, roll it up in a gigantic roll and watch TV while I cut it.  Then, I spend 20 minutes picking up little pieces of clear plastic, but that’s another story.

Most border is curvy, like this:

(and yes, I do own both of those borders!)  My sister and I had a big discussion one time because she just cuts her straight across the top when she gets them laminated and that drives me crazy nutso! But it is easy to cut.  Sometimes I have to pick up half moon shaped lamination scraps. 

 

Some border is straight like this:

 

That’s a Mary Englebreit (who I LOVE!) border and yes, I do own that one as well. It’s really, really easy to cut out after you laminate it. You just run your scissors along the edge and the extra lamination just falls off.

But then, there’s the OTHER border.  It has shapes, which makes a lovely, interesting bulletin board. 

BUT, it’s a  pain to cut out after it’s laminated.  No easy curves or flat bottom to just slide the scissors along. . .  (Yes, I own that border as well.  I told you I was obsessed!)

 

So here’s my good idea gone bad.   I bought this border last year before school started.  It’s printed on both sides, it’s interesting looking and it has great colors.

Do you see where this is going???

I bought it last August. I’ve never used it yet. Can you guess why? I wish I could be like my sister and just cut it straight across the top.  But I just CAN’T.  I just spend 35 minutes cutting – and I have three pieces cut out.  Of course, now I stopped to write a blog post, so I’m even further behind.  You can only imagine all the little, tiny pieces of lamination scraps that are left behind. . . What a horrible idea!