So, what’s new?

I got my diploma in the mail today. It is a beautiful thing – much bigger and more impressive looking than my first college diploma from USF. My friend Sheila just ordered her husband a new diploma from FSU, (something happened to a corner of his) and she told me how much bigger his was than hers, but until mine came today, I didn't realize how right she actually was. It is huge and it's gorgeous! I need a nice frame to put it in, (that might be a nice birthday gift for next month family!!!) So, now I have a degree and I have a diploma, and I have a LARGE birthday looming right over my head. Is it any wonder I feel a little depressed? Today on the way home from school I almost fell asleep driving home and it's only 7 miles from my school to my house. So, I came home and took a nap. Big mistake! It's now 12:08 and I'm still awake. Tomorrow I'll wish I hadn't stayed up this late. I got up from my nap, found some dinner and did my 40 minutes of sweating like some sort of wild creature. I'm trying really hard to be careful what I eat and to get 30 minutes of exercise at least three times a week. Last week, I did pretty well, but I did eat some snacks last weekend I probably shouldn't have. I did (GASP) share a package of Reese's Peanut Butter cups with my niece – and then we had calzones from our favorite place. I know, we're horrible and probably deserve to be fed nothing but grass and twigs for the rest of the week. . . I don't know if anybody reads this, and if you do, I'm not sure why you care to read the mindless, pointless ramblings of my mind, but I'm going off on a tangent here. I feel beat up, bruised and battered. Not physically, but emotionally, I'm just "wrung out." I've got nothing left. I feel like at this point in my life, I'm not doing anything well and that nothing I do is good enough to make other people happy. That's a very depressing way to feel, all the time. I'm frustrated with my job; I'm frustrated with the whole system. I have some personal issues that I'm dealing with, and I'm not handling those well, which is another source of frustration and confusion. I miss my friend Mrs. Smith, and I hardly ever get to see her much, which is ridiculous, as she only lives 15 minutes away. Crazy as it sounds, I miss my friends from FSU, and it doesn't quite seem right not to talk with them regularly. Now, I realize that comparatively speaking, I have no reason to complain. Our prayer list at church is pages long of people who have much more serious problems than I do, people suffering with cancer and trying to struggle through, sick children, and people who've lost loved ones- I actually have no reason to be so at odds. But I just feel discontent. I know that I'm supposed to "whatever state I'm in, therewith be content" and I'm trying, but it's just not working. I am trying to count my blessings, instead of sheep, but I still not doing well. I'm also not sleeping well at night, which makes everything worse. My sweet friend Amy suggested I take melatonin, and it works pretty well, but sometimes I think I can sleep, so I don't take it, and then it's too late. But the amazing thing is, as I type this, I'm feeling more and more sleepy. Maybe, just maybe I can go to sleep now. . .