I just used my online Bible search tool and found the word "content" 10 times in less than five seconds. Uh-oh. (BTW, I mean content as in satisfied, not what is inside something!) Most people who have ever been in church on any sort of regular basis have probably heard this verse from Philippians: "Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content:" That verse is causing me much stress lately, because I am NOT content. Dictionary.com defines content as "satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else." That's a toughie!! To not want any more or anything else. I dream about winning the lottery – does that mean I'm not content? I think sometimes my discontent doesn't come from wanting MORE, as it does from wanting something else. Then my faith and my feelings clash. I believe firmly and 100% that God loves us and wants the best for us. I believe that God knows and sees the whole picture, while I am only looking at a part. I believe that in His time, He works out things for the good for me. I KNOW all that. I just don't feel it always. So, because I'm stubborn and hardheaded, I try to help Him out. I give Him advice about what's best for me. And I become more and more discontent with my life. There will always be people with "MORE" than I have. I understand that. I get it. When you choose the educational system for a career, that's one of the "givens" the comes with the job. I can live with that. I do still dream of winning the lottery – Oh, the things I can think about what I could do with that money!!! I just want to be content with where I am right now. It's easy to start making a list of all the things I don't like and wish I could change. Top of the list – a new job! I did all I could to change that all summer – and every door just keeps closing. Next on the list – a different house – but I don't even know where to begin to change that!
A few months ago, someone told me I should learn the "Serenity Prayer." Yes, the same prayer that people in AA use. You've probably heard it, it goes like this:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I'm working on recognizing that I can't change other people (much to my dismay!) and that I can't change the decisions other people make. And, again, much to my dismay, there are MANY things I cannot change. I guess the only thing I can do is prayer for the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to wait.
